2007 to 2008 and Beyond!
	So here's the deal, it's April 2007 now, and a lot is going on...but not with my health.  My health is fantastic, it's the best it's been in 10 years!  In fact, about 2 months ago, I took my last prednisone.  I am now on 0mg a day of the stuff.  I am so happy about that.  I feel better, I'm sleeping better, and losing weight.  And SPEAKING of losing weight, I have an appointment on May 2 with a bariatric surgeon to see if I qualify for a Lap Band surgery.  It's much less invasive than the bypass and I am less likely to have complications.  But I haven't been approved yet, and I did read that lupus was a disqualifying factor for the surgery.  I'm just hoping they keep in mind that it hasn't been active for nearly a year and a half.  I got a hair cut today, it was all just above my shoulders, and I got an angled bob cut.  I love it.  My bangs are nice and long, and the back is short and spikey.  It would be a nice, cute hair cut if it weren't on such a big head!  But hopefully they will say yes to the surgery, and that will be fixed in about a year and a half or so.  :)  We'll see.....
	December 2007
	Oh where to begin...it's now December 28, 2007.  In the last 2 months, I have been to the emergency room 6 times.  The first time was for excruciating stomach pains which turned out to be an appendicitis.  After 17 hours of waiting in the ER with no pain meds, I was finally taken to surgery to have it removed.  About 2 days after I got home from the hospital, I had a high fever.  It worried me, so I went back to the ER...plus I was told that if I had ANY fever, I needed to get to the hospital ASAP.  It turned out just to be an odd fever.  The next trip to the ER was for severe sharp pain in my right foot.  I didn't think it was my gout because it was further up my foot.  The doctor told me it was metatarsalgia (general unexplained foot pain).  I was told to keep it elevated and take tylenol for pain.  Well, after 4 days, the pain was unbearable, and elevating and pain meds did nothing.  I called my regular doc, and she said that it sounded like the gout.  She told me to go back to the ER to get a steroid dose pack.  So I did.  During the time I was taking the 7 days of steroids, I got a really bad tonsil infection.  The back of my throat was covered with pus, and my tonsils were really really swollen.  So back to the ER for antibiotics.  That was trip #4.  So about 3 days after the last steroid pill, my right big toe flares up, gets hot, tender, and VERY painful...gout again.  Back to the ER for another dose of steroids.  During the time I was taking these, I got a new tattoo.  Well, the day after I got it, the area around it turned really red, swelled up, and felt very hot to the touch.  I got scared that it might be infected, so I went BACK to the ER for trip #6.  Another antibiotic just incase I had cellulitis of some other infection.  I don't think I did though, because about 2 days later the swelling went away and it turned into black and blue.  It's been a couple weeks now, and it's nearly healed.  Unfortunately, there were a couple stretch marks there, and that part didn't heal well.  But my tattoo artist is a great guy, and he's going to fix it for free.  Oh yeah, and I did get a thorough tongue lashing from my doctor for getting tattoos in the first place.  I explained it like this...People who smoke know it's bad for them, but they do it anyway because they enjoy it so much.  Well, I enjoy tattoos.  :) As far as the Lap Band surgery, I only have a mammogram and a psych evaluation to go and I'll be scheduled for surgery.  YIPPY!!!  I think my surgery date will be around April or May.  I'm so excited for this change.  I can't wait to get on with my life and get this weight off.  The weight to me represents the lupus.  I got sick, I got put on steroids, I got fat.  My health has improved over the last 2 years, and I am off of the steroids...so I feel the next step is to improve my mental health and body image.  I know that no amount of weight I lose will make me love myself the way I should...but I will feel more comfortable about meeting new people and going out in public, and that's a good start. :) I hope everyone has a wonderful new year.  Remember to appreciate what you have and try not to focus on what you don't.  Those little things might not seem like much, but when they disappear...you'll miss them a whole heck of a lot.  I know from experience how quickly things can disappear from your life...so give your friends and family members a great big hug.  :)
	October 4, 2008
	Well....that took FOREVER!  Finally, tomorrow I head to the Pittsburgh VA hospital for my long awaited Lap Band surgery.  I will spend sunday night there, then monday at noon I will have the minor surgery to implant a filter in a vein near my heart.  I'm on blood thinners for a clotting disorder, and I had to stop taking them days ago so I don't bleed too much during surgery.  So a filter will be placed in hopes of catching any clots I may form.  Problem is, the disorder I have can cause clots in arteries too, and this filter won't help those.  I will stay in the hospital monday and tuesday, then wednesday morning the surgery to place the Lap Band will happen.  It looks like it'll be a few days to a week of clear liquids, then possibly up to smooth foods, protein shakes, and a whole lot of water.  BUT, I'll have to cram all that in my body in 1/4 cup amounts at a time.  I'm going to feel like I'm doing nothing but eating and drinking.  And because some of my pills are quite large, I will no longer be able to take 8 to 10 pills at a time, I will have to space them out one or two at a time.  So I'll be eating, drinking, and taking pills all day, every day.  Fun. The up side?  And yes, there is definately one.  A very big one in fact.  For the last 6 weeks I have endured a greuling and very very difficult all liquid diet.  Unless you count one serving of sugar free jello a day a solid food...and I don't.  :P  Anyway, this gave me a lot of time to discover myself and why I ended up weighing 330 lbs.  I blamed prednisone, I blamed lupus for not allowing me to do the activities I wanted to do...but all along, it was me.  I let myself get that way.  Food was my crutch.  I figured this out after the first two weeks of the liquid diet.  I was crying so much, all the time, at everything, and I didn't know why.  But I do now.  When I felt that way before, I turned to food.  I ate.  Food was the only way for me to release the endorphines I needed to get past the depression.  Now that I didn't have that food, I cried, then I cried more, and then some more...until I finally realized something.  It was entirely possible for Heather to be optimistic.  The things that made me so depressed happened in my childhood and teen years.  No, lupus isn't a reason to be happy, but it sure isn't a reason for me to stop living my life while I'm still alive.  I was given this life by a higher power, I only get one, and I was sick and tired of spending it in the dumps.  I've got a wonderful marriage to a man who would give me the sun if he could, I've got my best friend that has stood by me for almost 20 years even when she should have walked away from me, I've got a roof over my head, I have the undying love of my dear pets, and I have some members of my family who care a great deal about what happens to me.  Those are the important things in life.  When I'm in the hospital it's not my car or my tv that I miss, it's laying next to my husband and my cats at 2am and putting my arm around him and kissing his shoulder.  I have these wonderful things, and I also have lupus.  I can choose which one of these things I want to rule my life....and starting now, I choose happiness, not lupus. I started this journey at 330 lbs.  I was at that weight about 2 years ago and oozing out of my size 28 jeans.  I knew I needed a larger size, but that 30 mark was just too much for me, so I wore nightgowns all the time instead.  Now I am 250 lbs.  I could look at this as still being overweight, or I could look at it as 80 lbs. gone.  Forever.  I put on my size 22 pants today a happier and better person.  I hope someday that everyone can feel what I feel right now.  Joy.  Just pure joy.
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