1998 - 1999

So it was January 1998.  I found out I had lupus a couple weeks prior.  I still didn't know much about it.  Everything I read said rashes and arthritis....I didn't have those, so how could I have lupus?  Noone in my family has it, noone even has a disease.  Just me.  My left leg was still unbearable to walk on, but they still hadn't figured out why.  And now that I was diagnosed with lupus...every little ache I had was suddenly "Just the lupus."  In the beginning of February, my father passed away.  I drove with an aunt and uncle from Dover, Delaware to Las Vegas, NV in under 3 days.  When I got back to Delaware, a friend immediately drove me to the emergency room again.  My leg was twice its normal size, it was very dark in color, and extremely painful.  I couldn't even get pants on to go to the hospital.  Finally, they figured it out.  I had a blood clot at the very top of my left leg.  They also scanned my chest and found I had several of them in my lungs too.  I had no idea how lucky I was to be alive until years later.  Perhaps it's better I didn't know then. :P  I spent most of the year not knowing much of anything about what was happening to me.  My rheumatologist at the time told me that "I would be lucky if I made it past the 5 year mark."  He told me about kidney involvment, which scared the day lights out of me.  My mother had a horseshoe kidney, got a transplant, and passed away 3 months later.  I was now being told I could have that same problem...I might not live another 5 years, I will most likely not be able to have children, and I have a disease that will affect every decision I make.

This is the C-5 Galaxy.  The airplane I used to work on.  Although I don't do it anymore thanks to lupus, I will always be extremely proud of the time I spent in the United States Air Force.  Due to recent events overseas, a lot of memories have come back.  I miss it, I miss being a part of something great.  My heart is 100% with our troops over there, and I hope as many as possible return safely to their families.  Thank you.  And a special thanks to my old squadron who I know is working harder than ever, the 9th Airlift Squardon out of Dover, Delaware.  I miss you guys so damn much.

I spent the rest of the year gaining weight from the steroids and testing various medication combinations.  Within 8 months of starting prednisone, I had gained nearly 100 pounds.  Definately NOT a "feminine friendly" medication.  I actually went to the hospital at one point because I thought I was having a really bad skin problem on my stomach...HA!  I lifted my shirt and the doctor giggled and said "Oh those are only stretch marks."  Ah, so these are the fabled stretch marks.  I know them well these days, but they are no longer bright purple.  I was briefly on Methotrexate, but all it did was successfully give me the worst headaches imaginable.  It did nothing for my lupus.  My blood work was always horrible.  I can't remember most of the illnesses I had this year...another side effect of lupus and it's treatment.  Memory loss.  One thing I do remember is anxiety attacks.  During the later part of the year, my body suddenly decided it wanted to sweat, shake, cry, and get nervous all at the same time.  I had a telemarketing job...I ended up throwing my headset on my manager's desk and crying something like "I won't be back."  I moved to Clifton Park, NY in September of 1998.  Only stayed for 3 months, then moved to Reading, PA to be with the man I would eventually marry.

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